Experts battle myths about sexual abuse against children

Editor's note: Earlier this month, news accounts told of a Butler man who pleaded guilty in a Vernon County Court to sexual misconduct, involving a minor child. The man had originally been charged with a more serious crime. This is the first in a weekly series about the fight to prevent and prosecute sex crimes against children in Missouri. This week's story investigates the prevalence and some contributing factors of the problem in Missouri. Even though many cases are investigated by social services and law enforcement agencies, not all are prosecuted. Next week, the Herald will investigate the complexities of prosecuting such cases. By Justin Baldwin Nevada Herald Nearly every reader knows at least a half dozen children, be them neighbors, relatives, sons or daughters. Some are only seen during the holidays or when they need to sell raffle tickets for school, some are seen every day. Childhood is often viewed as a time of innocence and joy. But according to Missouri Coalition Against Sexual Assault, statistics, on average, one in four girls and one in seven boys have been molested or sexually assaulted -- or in some way the victim of sexual misconduct -- by the time they turn 18. The Children's Center of Southwest Missouri, an organization that provides services for sexually, emotionally or physically abused children from several southwest Missouri counties, conducted 20 interviews relating to sexual abuse of some sort from Vernon County last year and Sheriff Ron Peckman says that, on average, his office investigates around 10 cases a year, but significantly fewer are actually prosecuted. Yet even in the face of these numbers, there is not a lot of talk about this type of crime. Nevertheless, what does surround the issue is a haze of misinformation and conjecture. Dispelling the myths The biggest misconception that people have about child sexual abuse is that it is perpetrated by strangers, said Lisa Abbott, of the Juvenile Affairs Office in Nevada. When one thinks of a sexual offender, one rarely puts a familiar face to the image conjured in the mind, but according to statistics put out by the Children's Center, of the 2,307 alleged child sex abuse or rape cases the Children's Center has investigated since 1997, only 31 alleged incidents involved a stranger. Nearly all the other perpetrators were known by the victim. In fact, the statistics reveal that most commonly -- in 22 percent of the allegations -- the alleged perpetrator was the biological father. In 10 percent of the cases, it was a stepfather and four times out of a hundred the alleged perpetrator will be the grandfather. Other family members, friends, boyfriends of the mother or the boyfriend a female victim, babysitters, neighbors or other folks the victim knows are identified as the possible perpetrator. "It's never somebody who looks scary," said Penny Walls-Brooks with the Missouri Coalition Against Sexual Assault. Another huge misunderstanding revolves around the notion some believe that children will make up stories of sexual abuse to act up or get attention. However, local experts say that's not common at all. "Rarely do people make up stories like this," said Walls-Brooks. She said that the worst thing to do to victims is not believe them. "It will mess them up for life," said Walls-Brooks. People also think that if sexual abuse really happened to a child then that child would tell someone immediately. But experts said there are plenty of reasons children might be discouraged from doing so. For example, "if Dad did the perpetration and Mom didn't protect them, then why should they go to Mom," said Abbott. Greg Dagnan, of the Children's Center in Joplin, said that since most sexual abuse happens between family members that it complicates confessions. The victim will still have a lot of love and affection for the perpetrator and they may be hesitant to rock the family dynamic. Another myth is that it's not something that happens all that often. Martha Sander, Director of the Nevada-based Moss House, said that the problem is much more prevalent than people think, calling it a war against women and kids. "If you don't live with abuse in the home, then you have no idea," she said, calling attention to the difficulties victims face when it comes to reporting and addressing such situations. In many cases the victim is very hesitant to make allegations. Walls-Brooks said that a lot of times children, especially younger children, don't understand what is happening or feels that they are to blame. Older children -- particularly boys -- may fear the backlash of social stigma that can result from revealing what has transpired. Divulging what has happened also constitutes a shift of thinking that the child has to undertake. They are taught to respect and obey authority figures, but these are commonly the same people that are sexually molesting the child. Sander sees first hand the results of sexual abuse. She reports that 50 percent of the victims of domestic violence are also the victims of child molestation. However, this is not for reasons that one might think. Sander reveals that, contrary to popular belief, victims of abuse, whether it be sexual, physical or physiological, do not choose to be with abusers but rather it is the other way around. Nevertheless, since abuse can cause a lowering in self esteem them victims are often more susceptible to being influenced by abusers. Sander said that abuse is about power and control, and perpetrators tend to choose victims that are easier to control. The victim is in no way to blame for the action. Sander said that it is not always the case that victims of abuse are raised in abusive homes but it is nearly always the case that abusers are. However, MoCASA statistics show that sexually abused and molested children are twice as likely be become alcoholics, three times as likely to become pregnant under the age of 18, twice as likely to become HIV positive and 30 percent have considered or attempted suicide. Profiling the abuser Dagnan reveals that there are two types of child molesters. The first is the true pedophile. This is the type of person that is sexually attracted to children and will commonly profile a child to molest, such as only preying on boys with blond hair. The other kind of sexual predator is the opportunist. This is the kind of person that will molest a child if they have an opportunity, like being alone with them, but are unlikely to go out and actively find one. Warning signs Warning signs of sexual abuse is dependent on both the age of the child and the individual. Younger children tend to act out a little more and may start using language and terms for sexuality that is beyond their age group. Another warning sign for younger children is if they start perpetrating on other kids "because that's what they have been taught, they don't know that it's wrong," said Abbott. If an abused child is older they may begin to play with dolls and may experience social regression. Regardless of age parents should watch for a drastic change in behavior, said Dagnan. If children are secretive or afraid about certain people or places or they start acting out sexual scenarios it is time to pay attention. There are ways to prevent sexual abuse from happening to loved ones. "The biggest thing you can do is to pay attention to your kids," said Dagnan. It is important to know children well enough to know when something is wrong. In addition parents should talk to their kids about what constitutes sexual conduct early. The "From Darkness to Light" Web site reports that 25 percent of child sexual abuse happens before the child has reached the age of nine. Children should know that it is wrong for adults to touch the child's genitals, masturbate in front of them, perform oral sex on them, penetrate them sexually, or even tease them in a sexual way. For more information on child sexual abuse contact the Vernon County Juvenile Office at (417) 667-5015, the Children's Center of Southwest Missouri at (866) 230-9780 or MoCASA at (573) 636-8776.