The joy of foster parenting

Herald-Tribune

As a young girl, Corky Nelson saw firsthand how children in an orphanage lived, and from that point on, her life was forever changed.

Nelson and her husband, Ron, who live in Nevada, Mo., have been licensed foster parents for several years, and have seen their fair share of children who come from broken homes, children who have been abused and other children who have been removed from their biological parents for different reasons by state authority.

One day, when Corky was a young girl, she and her dad visited the orphanage where her aunt volunteered. She knew then that someday she would make her own impact on young children's lives.

"I thought, these kids shouldn't have to live like that," she said. "I said to my father, 'I'm going to take care of kids in a house.' These places are neat, clean and sterile. It just wasn't a fun place to live. Every kid wanted a mom and dad, and a home."

Nelson and her husband began foster parenting in 1996, after their own children were grown and out of the house, and have taken 79 different foster children into their home and lives during their time living in Nevada and in Wisconsin.

Many of those children are teenagers and young people who are defined as "at-risk," meaning they have been placed in a number of different settings throughout their lives, Corky said.

The Nelsons, along with many other foster parents across the country, care for these minor children or young people in these situations until the relevant government agency finds a proper placement for them, which sometimes means living with another adoptive family, or until the child can be reunited with their birth family.

Ron and Corky have four children, one of whom has been adopted, and seven grandchildren, three of whom were adopted as infants, Corky said. They have two foster children currently living in their home with them. Their foster son, who previously lived in 17 different place settings before coming to live with them, is now 14 years old, she said.

"He's been able to bond with us -- he's our boy. We're his mom and dad."

Many of the foster children from the region have been exposed to either drugs or sexual abuse, and in many cases, both. About 90 percent of these children have been sexually abused, Corky said.

Nelson said it takes a firm commitment from the adult to accept the challenge of becoming a foster parent.

"It has to be a team effort," she said. "Both (parents) have to be equally committed to it. You have to be willing to give your heart to this child. You also have to be genuine with these children. Their stories are unreal. They come with their own baggage."

It becomes a challenge for parents to try and form a bond or connection with many of the children, because they have grown to know only one lifestyle, even if that lifestyle involved horrible living conditions, Corky said.

"You have to find out what makes them tick," she said. "Some kids have to gain your trust. You also have to have a sense of humor. Their birth family is where their heart is. You cannot compare foster kids to your natural kids."

Some children also have trouble getting used to the fact that they will receive three meals a day, and the fact that they will go through everyday tasks and routines that people and families sometimes take for granted.

But in the end, the experience is one that will be remembered by not only the parents, but the child as well.

"Every child takes a piece of your heart," she said. "It's very fulfilling to know you've had an influence on their lives."

In the foster care system, the placements are monitored until the child's biological family can provide appropriate care, or the parental rights of the biological parents are terminated and the child is adopted.

There are different types of foster care that exist today. Voluntary foster care is sometimes required when the parent is unable or not willing to care for the child. Sometimes the child will have behavioral problems that require other types of special assistance.

When a child is removed from his or her normal caregiver for his or her own safety, then involuntary foster care is used.

Foster parents receive monetary reimbursement -- which varies from state to state -- from the placement agency while the child is in their home to help cover the cost of meeting each child's needs.