Thanksgiving -- Again

Hi neighbors. Do you have your turkey-day plans all made? All the guests invited? Turkey already bought? Maybe you plan on buying or renting a huge television for the big afternoon football game.

Better dig out the cots and air mattresses and crack open the futons for the over-nighters. Locate the big coffee pot. Go to the basement and collect the crock pots, pie pans and big kettles for making noodles.

There is always lots to do before Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family.

First and foremost is to remember who is feuding with who and make sure to keep lots of space between them all day long. This might take reinforcements so pull out those IOUs from the cousins.

Aunts can be particularly persnickety so keep them at opposite ends of the table.

Mother-in-laws will spend the entire meal telling you how you SHOULD have cooked everything, so keep them sitting next to their married child. Don't forget to pump these children for embarrassing facts and family stories about their mothers and tell them to relate these tales at the appropriate times. You may have to work out a system of hand signals.

Send the guys out to rent movies for the kids. They may not realize it, but not everyone likes football. Better send the kids with them to select the movies too.

If there are new babies in the family, get the extra pillows set on the bed so they can be walled in when they fall asleep.

Make certain the turkey is the first thing done. That way, when the toddlers and younger children start crying because they are hungry, you can give them pieces of turkey to eat. Not only is this healthy for them, but it might make them take a nap right after lunch.

After the big meal is a touchy time too. With nothing left to put in their mouths, they might start talking. This is OK if it is a small group, and if everyone likes each other. Otherwise, put the men in the room with the big television so they can watch football. Men usually don't get too rowdy when a game is on to watch.

Women on the other hand, might get testy. First comes the argument about helping with the dishes. You might as well let them help as argue about it. If they actually don't want to help and just spoke up out of guilt; they will soon wander off to find a errant child, or go check on the men in the television room. Don't worry, they'll be back once the dishwasher is loaded.

After the dishes are started, tips on how to store and serve left-overs start flying. The older members of the group usually have some pretty good ideas, although you've probably heard them at every family get-together for the past 30 years.

While the men settle in with their iced tea to watch the game, the kids break out the board games, cards and coloring books, depending on their age.

If you have another television set, the older kids want to play video games. Another thing the guys can pick up while renting movies.

Which, in case you're keeping count, require yet another television set or DVD player or computer.

Once everyone else is doing something, the women can gather someplace quiet (I suggest a room with a locking door so the kids go directly to the men first) and exchange tidbits of news from the last time they were together.

You have to be careful and remember all the things one person told you that you aren't suppose to pass on to the others. Usually you find out all the others know it already anyhow, but you don't want to be the first to spill the beans.

Most of us keep in touch regularly through e-mail anyway, but for the family members who don't have computers, catching up takes some time.

About half-time, everyone is ready for more dessert, the kids are either napping or looking for lost pieces of whatever game they were involved in, and the women are ready for a fresh pot of coffee.

After the ball game ends (the official time to regroup) the men will start wandering around looking for their wives, children and coats. They are ready to go home.

The women help empty the dishwasher and redistribute whatever food they had brought for the family dinner. Little ones whine they don't want to go, while older ones are already waiting in the car so they can get home quick and find their friends before the whole day is 'wasted.' I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving!