Hello Darlin'

If this column sounds familiar to you, it might be because I have written similar ones before. I couldn't find one that I wrote for the paper, but I know I have included these thoughts in many e-mails and conversations I have had in the past few years.

My problem is that I seem to have become irresistible.

Everywhere I go, people are calling me "honey" or "darlin'" or "sweetie." It doesn't matter if I am buying a very dignified item such as a part for my computer, or I have a factual question to ask in an office, I am greeted with a cheery, "Good morning, Darlin'" or something similar.

Now I am still a professional woman. I don't go down the street talking to myself or shuffling my feet. I think I walk briskly, smile at those I meet and carry myself with dignity, so why do people talk to me like I talk to my 3 year old great-granddaughters? They have put me in the same category as those pre-schoolers.

Why? It's because they think I am an old woman who needs to be nurtured. I know they think they are being friendly, but I can't wait until they reach my age to see how THEY react to these phrases.

Well, I guess I will have to miss out on that because by the time they reach this stage, I will not be around to care how they react to being this old.

I try to think back to times when I might have made the same mistakes in my efforts to be friendly to my seniors. I can't come up with an example, but you know how it is with us tottering old women. We can't remember anything.

Today I was in another town and ordered a very youthful chocolate milk shake in a quick food restaurant. A very nice young man waited on me and as he gave me my change he said, "Here's your change, dear." Then, when he brought the food part of our order to our table, he said to my husband, "I hope you enjoy your meal, sir." He gets "sir"; I get "dear."

Now I am bothered by sexism as well as ageism. My husband is slightly older than I am, and what's more, today he was walking poorly because of a painful back. But he wasn't belittled with an affectionate name. He was called "sir."

Now I like an affectionate name as well as anyone, but I want them to be from someone who really feels affectionate toward me. I'll agree that it sounds better than "you old bat," but in a way, the meaning comes across the same.

I notice that in the hospital the nurses, doctors and attendants address patients by their names. I like that. It makes a person feel like he is still someone, not just the gallbladder in room 210. I don't even mind a little of the affectionate terms being used when someone is really hurting or in grief. But buying milk shakes is not usually a traumatic moment.

One of the hardest things for those of us middle age plus folk to get used to, is the realization that no matter how important we might have been at one time, now we are just considered one of the "old folks."

The little words of fake endearment emphasize that to us, in spite of the good intentions of the speaker. So if I happen to come buy a package of Depends from your store, don't call me honey. Instead, realize that being such a good person, I am probably just buying it for a neighbor. The poor old soul.