Acceptance and remembrance

At this year's end, I reflect upon the many good people who have passed on, and the different emotions these departures elicit within. The "circle of life," was for many years just a familiar phrase. In my latter years, it has garnered greater meaning.

I have arrived at this perspective of life and death in a manner, that I am assured many before me have also attained. The older one gets, we learn to deal with the effect, of losing so many of those familiar to us, such as friends, family, and famous people.

Death is by far the least favorite subject I would ever choose as a theme, but in the world of all living things, it is half of everything to us. We have only two assured events in our existence, birth and death.

For the most part, normal human beings don't spend much time or energy thinking about death. It is a dark and depressing theme. That all changes when we are forced to face the losses of those close or familiar to us.

This past year, my brotherhood group lost our friend, Doug "Dawg" Campbell. I wrote a story about him, to try and show others, what he meant to us. Following his demise, we all discovered, that in countless ways, Dawg remained with us. While not physically around us, the impact of who he was, and how he lived, has kept him a vital part of our everyday lives.

When we are playing a round of golf, eating at a restaurant, or attending a high school ball game, he invariably is mentioned in some capacity. After a certain golf shot, one of our group will say something like ... "Dawg would have said ...." Each of us immediately displays a wry smile hearing those words. We know he is gone, but he still has the power to make us laugh.

That's the message I hope to send to you at this years end. Life is not permanent, and we will all cross the River Styx. Most of us have had to endure some losses close to home that may seem to actually be more than we are capable of dealing with. I have no magic incantation to present, that will guarantee you ease of such pain. There is no formula for grief.

No one is immune to the effects of losing someone. How we find the strength to overcome our grief is a question that man has sought an answer, from the beginning of time. One of my favorite thinkers and authors was the great Greek dramatist, Aeschylus (525 BC- 456 BC). Regarding death he said:

"He who learns must suffer, and even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God."

There is no precise handbook of steps to take that allows one to grieve, and finally accept. Some people grieve intensely, with tears and soul tearing emotions. Other people seem to be less affected. Should a person be judged by how they grieve? I would hope that is not the case.

Sometimes death comes, following a full life. Age, health, and time, simply have brought a person to their natural end. Unfortunately, there are the times, when sudden and unexpected death occurs. Acceptance of loss can be much harder when this happens. In reality, there is no such thing as a "timely" death. Death, even though it is inevitable, is foreign to all humans.

At this year's end, I have chosen to look back and remember some of those we have lost. I do this in hopes that it brings some measure of comfort to the soul.

Muhammad Ali was lost this year. Not everyone will agree on his legacy, but there is no question, that he was one of the most influential figures in our history.

Country music lost what many felt was the "Soul" of their industry, when Merle Haggard recently passed. He left us a huge collection of music. I think it is impossible, for you to sit still and not tap your feet, when the "Working Man Blues" is heard.

Nancy Reagan was in my mind, the most dedicated wife I have ever seen. Regardless of your political leanings, she epitomized what a "First Lady" should be.

Another woman who many never knew was lost this year. Harper Lee, author of "To Kill a Mockingbird." If there was ever a writer who was able to bridge the racial gap it was she.

Just days ago we lost a local attorney and judge, Jerry McBeth. I thought of him when I saw Harper Lee on the list. I once wrote a story about Harper and her book. Jerry got in touch with me a few days later. He told me that Lee's book, and her character, Atticus Finch, was his inspiration for becoming a lawyer.

America's first man to orbit the earth was John Glenn. My own childhood coincided with our nation's race to space. Have we ever produced finer men than Glenn, Armstrong, and the rest of those early astronauts?

The boogeyman of the western hemisphere was Fidel Castro. Not many in this country were sad to see him gone, but he was a dominant figure of history.

My list could have been much longer, but I will conclude with the simple loss of Florence Henderson. She will forever be remembered as the mom on "The Brady Bunch."

Her passing reminded me of the loss of my own mother in 2008. There are so many times, when I want to know something, only to realize, that I cannot seek her answer.

To those of you who have suffered loss, we the living are here for you. The circle of life goes on, and we live and remember together. Never hide from death, go and offer comfort to those who have suffered loss.