Happy Mother’s Day!

Hi neighbors. One of the best holidays of the year is here tomorrow. Most of those who still have living mothers and/or grandmothers will stress out about what gift to give and when to give it. So much angst seems to go along with anything to do with mothers.

It seems we are all adept at receiving love and gifts from our mothers, but deciding on a way to show our reciprocal feelings about that love is stressful.

If you think back to when you were a child you will remember many times that you gave gifts of love to your mother, only to discover that she did not cherish dead toads, mud covered worms or stemless flowers picked from her garden nearly as much as you did. As children, we learn early not to expect our mothers to appreciate our humble gifts.

Of course, all mothers try to hide their chagrin and show delight when any gift is given. Any recognition as the devoted, beloved mother is always appreciated. They know it usually does no good pointing out suitable gifts from those given to her by her husband. One reason being the jewelry is out of most ten-year old’s price range and appliances are usually in the lane in the store just around the corner from the toys, bikes and swing sets and so; completely beyond a child’s shopping range. The second reason being the fact that husbands’ gifts are often as off-target as the children’s.

As you become an adult, and then a mother yourself, you come to realize how odd some Mother’s Day gifts can be. After getting gifts for 60 plus years, mothers have undoubtedly explained that the gift they most cherish are those times shared with their children.

Take some time to think about your childhood. Who were the people who knew your mother? Who did she spend time with? (If you grew up in the ‘50s this would only be people she could visit with during school hours and after her house-cleaning chores were completed.)

Remember things you and your mother did together; or things you remember seeing her do.

If your mother is already passed away, you’ll be on your own trying to remember these things. Your siblings probably have a different viewpoint of these memories and their insights can offer new color to those old black and white memories of your childhood.

If your mother is still alive, pack up your old photo albums or take out that slideshow you made ten years ago, grab lunch for two and head to your mother’s home. Tell her you are writing your memories and want her memories to balance your own.

Keep the topics direct and inclusive. You can start with “Hey, Mom; remember that time you and I walked over a long metal bridge and there was lots of traffic and we walked all the way downtown? What was that bridge? Where were we going? Why were we walking? Tell me about that day. I just remember being tired from walking and being lost.” I showed her the picture of me all dressed up and her in a pretty sundress and sandals.

I’m sure Mom will remember the day a little differently. My Mom reminded me that we were walking downtown to pick up her unemployment check after her lab department was closed down and she was laid off. It wasn’t just one day, it was weekly for a few weeks. We walked because the check wouldn’t cover the cab fee to and from our house. As a one-car family, Dad always had the car to go to work.

I remember now, Mom laughed correcting my version and said “we” didn’t walk. At three years old I was carried more than half the way. With money in hand Mom and I would go into some huge department store and ride the escalator from floor to floor. What an adventure for a three-year-old!

This is just an example of the way this “memory day” might work. I’m sure you will discover that your mother’s memories and yours often differ and having both opens new vistas to your recollections.

Remember that the best gift you can give your mother is yourself — your time and your own memories of your childhood mother who in many respects might be remembered as a totally different person than the one you remember; and the one you can talk to today. Have a happy Mother’s Day and try switching this game up to include your own children and how they remember events, places and people in your photo albums.