Middle Age Plus

Are you sure it happened that way?

"Do you remember the time all five of us sisters were together at the Elderhostel near Potosi?" "Sure I do." "Okay, then, why did I come home a day earlier than the rest of you, and since I came home earlier how did Miriam get back home?" "I think you had some church commitment or something, but Miriam probably drove over herself. David took Gertrude and Kathryn back to the airport in St. Louis." "But if he did that, what car did he use and how did you get home if he was using your car?" Questions like these kept tumbling out this past week when my only remaining sister and I spent 10 days together, first attending our sister Gertrude's Memorial Service in Washington, D.C., and then going together to an Elderhostel at the YMCA of the Ozarks where I lead a class on "Humor in Life." I am sure similar questions pop up in other Middle Age Plus folks‚ conversations. We have vivid, fond memories of an event, but some little detail escapes us. What is important is the event itself, but when these questions begin to emerge, they take on an importance beyond their worth. Something within me wants to know the rest of the story.

The significance of Ellen's and my questions to each other this week took on a new dimension when we realized that there was no one left who could fill in the gaps for us. A phone call or email would not bring forth any answers because we are the only ones left to remember many of the great occasions of our lives.

We are blessed that we still have Harold, our 96-year-old brother, in Washington, but he did not join in on some of the good times we five sisters shared. However he is in an even lonelier situation because our other two brothers are no longer alive so when he thinks about the male stories from our family he has to see if one of his sisters remembers any of the details.

I often call him for information on my Senior Page articles to see if my second-hand knowledge is correct when I am writing about something that happened before my time. I cherish the ability to have this wealth of knowledge. But his information about his sisters‚ activities is vague.

The details we were searching for are really not that important. What made these questions and lack of answers so troubling was the realization that memories need to be preserved and details of our family's early years must be saved by us. There is no one older to turn to for information.

When our family is together with the nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc., we hear some of the same stories being told that we grew up with. Sometimes what is told has a new twist to it that doesn't quite agree with our memory. We try not to make a correction because we are so glad that there is interest in maintaining the stories. Besides, their version, heard from another of my generation, may be the more accurate one. I possibly could be wrong.

If you still have several members of your generation in your family or in your neighborhood, don't pass up any opportunity to visit with them about the 'old days.' We never know when that will no longer be possible. And what's worse we may not be able to find anyone who is even interested in hearing about them anymore.

We know that our memories are much more interesting than the ones we used to avoid hearing from our own grandparents. So listen up!