Middle Age Plus

Friends

One of the things I was looking forward to when we knew we were going to retire back to Vernon County was to be with my good friends again.

I had friends here that I had known all my life. Some were like sisters, others like counselors. All were fun to be with and were eager to find new experiences.

The first few years when we were back, this was my experience. Except for one thing. I was very busy with my new job, doing things with and for my sister, and enjoying establishing our retirement home. So I didn't take advantage of having these long-time friends nearby as often as I should. I knew they were here and that was a nice feeling, but weeks would go by and we didn't get together except over the phone or a quick visit in the grocery store aisles.

My friends from the places we had lived before we retired home would often drop by or we would go visit them. That was very good because I grew up hearing the slogan that was in my mother's (now my) club book. "Make new friends, But keep the old. Some are silver, Some are gold." I didn't want to lose track of all the friends we had made in our various locations.

They were special to me also.

But a sad thing happened. While I was busy doing all these other things, some of my long-time friends died. Others moved into nursing homes, went to live with their children, or weren't able to "play" anymore.

I had made many new friends here in Nevada and in our community since our return. I enjoy them very much. I have one who always pokes fun at my age. Others join me in my political beliefs and we e-mail back and forth with glee. Many share church or Sunday school experiences with me that enrich us all. New friends have joined me, or really I have joined them, in community activities and projects. It is exciting and meaningful.

I am very glad I have these newer friends here. I am very glad I have the distant friends from other communities. I am glad that now that my children are grown I can feel like some of my best friends are my own children. And, of course, my husband of 58 years is a very special friend.

None of this consoled me last week, however, when I stood in the emptied-out living room of the friend I have know for every minute of my life.

She no longer can live here in her own home. She may not even be able to recognize me if I travel to visit her. Our friendship will remain, of course, but we will never be able to call each other to meet for lunch, or to laugh together over old times. We grew up in each other's homes, knew each other's family members well, and shared hidden secrets about ourselves.

The tragedy of this is that we didn't take advantage of the opportunities we had to be together in these past years. I had a meeting. She had company. One of us was going out of town for a couple days. Months went by without the joy of being together.

When I left her house, probably for the last time, I was in tears.

Opportunities had been lost without me even thinking about what was going on. I will miss knowing that I could call her whenever I remembered to do it. Life-long friends are valuable.

If you have such a friend, don't follow my example. Make a date today to go have fun together. When you are in the midst of a laugh or a giggle, please think of me.