News anchor reports naked truth

Do you think maybe TV news stations are getting just a tad desperate?

The following is an actual promo from Channel 19 Action News in Cleveland (with comments in italics):

What do you get when you combine a beautiful Sunday morning, a Downtown Cleveland venue, a world-famous photographer and over a thousand Clevelanders ... completely naked?

A whole lot more than you want to see?

How about art?

Yeah, art -- that would be my story.

It all happened recently, and 19 Action News anchor Sharon Reed was there.

Gee, I wonder if this is sweeps week?

But Sharon didn't just report the story, she became part of it -- posing nude with more than a thousand others for a groundbreaking and controversial photo that all of Cleveland will be talking about.

Yes, it is sweeps week!

Our cameras were rolling as the unbelievable scene took place. So, YOU be the judge. Is it art? Or is it something else?

You mean like the cheapest ratings stunt of all time? Naaahh, it's art.

Watch "Body of Art" ... Tonight on 19 Action News at 11.

Wow, this Sharon Reed might give a whole new meaning to Action News.

And where does Reed go from here -- besides a larger market TV job?

(I saw a promo the other night for a Serious Investigative News Report about the dangers of tanning beds.

I almost got the impression that the main reason for this report was to repeatedly show a young woman in a bikini. No, couldn't be.)

Now this is all no big deal, you might say. Nobody goes to Cleveland anyway, so the only people affected by this spectacle are Clevelanders themselves.

But if Reed's stunt gooses the ratings -- and it will -- other newscasters won't be far behind. I think everyone knows where this is heading: Dan Rather.

Rather's news show, as you may know, has been lagging in the ratings.

A recent Nielsen rating determined that 127 people nationwide were watching Dan Rather, with 41 of them watching only because they were hoping for Walter Cronkite.

(We won't go into detail about advertisements during the network news shows, but you know the one with Wild Thing, where the horns come subtly out of the guy's head? Ads for these products appear to be funding the entire network news budget.)

Rather, who wants to end his career on a high note, might just be desperate enough to display his own Body of Art.

The FCC must act now. Fortunately, the Patriot Act allows the arrest of anyone on charges of Suspicion of Planning to Appear Nude on a Network News Show.

Rather would surely fit this category, so the government should have no problem locking him up indefinitely.

It would be a great service to the entire United States -- and for the clothed people of Cleveland, too.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood@ezol.com