Bring out the best in bloggers

A recent story noted that a new blog (or Web log) is created every seven seconds.

With 8.5 million blogs, up from 100,000 just two years ago, the blogging world is facing its greatest crisis in 5,000 years -- soon there will be no one left to read the blogs!

To stem this eyeball shortage I am proposing what is, naturally, the perfect solution: the creation of a new career, the Professional Blog Reader (PBR), a person trained to offer writers the nurturing they need.

Do you have what it takes to be a PBR? The following is from an actual blog:

"HI! ... right now i just created this bolging (sic) account so im trying everything out and this is a test but soon i will get this down!"

Sadly, this appears to be one of those one-hit wonders. The site concludes with that single posting.

Who knows what might have been?

Are we missing the next Emily Dickinson here? The next Shakespeare?

Or, even more intriguing, the inane ramblings of a decaying fencepost brought magically to life?

This is where the PBR would step in, offering words of encouragement:

"I just finished reading your debut posting and may I say, Bravo! It is, without doubt, one of the most auspicious beginnings in blogger history. In fact, I am standing as I type this because your first foray into the world of online literature deserves nothing less than a standing ovation! BRAVO!"

Another certified real-life blog:

"Funny thing was, I didn't even eat a sandwich that day. I think it was a hamburger. I had a tuna sandwich the day after ..."The PBR response:

"I was extremely moved to read your riveting account of daily menu selections.

But I need to know more! Did you add mustard or ketchup? Both? How about onions?

"Now that I think about it, I don't even know what meal you were enjoying. Lunch is the logical assumption, but the audacious nature of your narrative leads me to think you might be the kind of gastronomic adventurer who thinks nothing of having a hamburger for dinner or even, dare I say it, breakfast!

"If I could but feast on your words all day long!"

From an actual blog:

"I always end up making a post that in some way is complaining about the state of my life. Of course, I'd like to think that the amount of complaining differs from post to post in both intensity, subtlety and humor. I'd like to think that sometimes you don't know what it is that bugging me. Of course, you may think you know but that's different ..."

The PBR response:

"My good man, you do yourself an injustice! You need not doubt your posts differ in subtlety and humor; in fact, the only thing that remains constant is the stratospheric level of brilliance you bring to your non-stop whining. I long to read about your every ache, defeat, setback, hangnail and bunion. More complaints, please!"

Discussion question: If a blogger in the woods wrote something and no one read it, would it still be as inane?

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood@ezol.com