Back to the Future doughnut

Time travelers, according to a disturbing new theory, would not be able to go back and change the present.

This is another example, I'm afraid, where it would have been better if scientists had just left things well enough alone.

You wonder: Did the scientist formulating this theory realize he was effectively destroying the premise for dozens, maybe hundreds, of movies and TV shows?

Those episodes of "Star Trek," "Back to the Future," etc. -- they're all dated now.

You remember that heart-rending show where Captain Kirk lets the woman get run over by a car? He could have saved that poor woman -- just like Dr. McCoy wanted -- for all the difference it would have made.

And the possibility of a romance between Michael J. Fox and the younger version of his mom--wasn't going to happen, folks! We had nothing to worry about.

But we did have something to hope for.

For generations, people have fantasized about going back in time and averting disasters like the sinking of the Titanic, World War II, the movie Gigli.

In fact, until this frightening new theory was developed, many dared dream that someday we'd be able to avert Ben Affleck's entire film career.

But not all the news is bad on the time travel front. This actual headline came from Nature.com: "Gravity doughnut promises time machine."

As someone who has avidly followed scientific advances in astronomy and physics, I found the idea of a "gravity doughnut" intriguing, especially if it was the kind that had those little colored sprinkles all over it.

(Since I'm watching my carbs though, I'd be better off with a gravity steak or pork chop.)

Unfortunately, I am sorry to report that the "gravity doughnut" has nothing to do with breakfast pastries, providing yet another example of science journalists doing a poor job communicating with the public.

People see these headlines and think: "Wow! Just by eating a special doughnut I'll be able to go back in time and do my laundry."

Well, the good news is that time travel may be possible, but not with the aid of any known doughnut or muffin (though some scientists continue to hold out for a "time travel bagel").

In the story, Amos Ori of the Israel Institute of Technology, said that, according to Einstein's theories, "space can be twisted enough to create a local gravity field that looks like a doughnut of some arbitrary size."

However, many scientists dispute this, suggesting that if Einstein ate a normal breakfast like everybody else, maybe he wouldn't have been so fixated on doughnuts.

As evidence, they point to how Einstein postulated the existence of "banana split black holes" and compared the whole space-time continuum to a "nicely done beef brisket served with yummy redskin potatoes."

There are also other problems. As Paul Davies, a theoretical physicist (in other words, someone who in theory is a physicist), put it, "Closed time-like curves are inherently unstable against quantum fluctuations."

Everybody got that?

I didn't think so. Go back to eating your doughnut.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood287@comcast.net.