China's space breakthrough

Anyone else out there a little, um, underwhelmed about President Bush's announcement that we're going back to the moon? In 2018?

That would be just one year shy of a half-century after the first moon landing.

What's next -- a multi-billion dollar program to see if air travel is possible?

Of course, some would say this is but a first step, part of man's continuing quest to seek out and explore new ways of creating jobs in the aerospace industry.

But why go back to the moon at all?

Let's just go to Mars or, better yet, one of those interesting planets we've seen so often in the movies.

(A while back Mars seemed to be a pretty fun place, populated by various monsters and villains and sometimes babes, but recent photographs from the planet's surface have destroyed this image. Now it looks like a red version of the moon.)

However, there is good news on the space front. The Chinese are now exploring space and already they have made the most spectacular breakthrough since the age of modern rocketry began: Chinese food.

That's right, their astronauts are eating hot Chinese food in space, the only drawback being -- this is true -- that chopsticks don't work well in a zero-gravity environment.

(Of course, for me, they don't work in a full-gravity environment either.)

The best Americans did in the food department was Tang, an alleged beverage that people drank as a show of patriotism.

The following is an actual question and answer from the Kraft Foods Web site:

Q: Can I use TANG Drink Mix to clean my dishwasher?

A: We have heard that some consumers have used TANG Drink Mix to clean their dishwashers. TANG does contain citric acid, which can act as cleaning agent.

So there you have it, folks: Tang -- delicious breakfast beverage or dishwasher cleansing agent?

The choice is yours!

According to many leading astronomers, one of the chief drawbacks of space in general and the moon in particular is the lack of good restaurants.

(In fact, space seems to lack restaurants period, though one scientist claims to have observed what appear to be golden arches on a planet circling Altair, a star located just off Exit 11 on the Intergalactic Wormhole. His colleagues, however, discounted his discovery, pointing out he was a longtime sufferer of Big Mac Attacks.)

You would think a nation that can put a man on the moon would be able to follow up shortly afterward with a Pizza Hut.

But we didn't, and so Americans lost interest.

As one astronaut put it, "If it wasn't for the great golf, I wouldn't have come at all."

But once the Chinese make it to the moon, you know Chinese restaurants will soon follow.

Where will they get the food? The same place those little fruit markets in New York City get theirs.

If they can stock stands full of beautiful fruit in New York City, they'll do just fine on the moon -- and they'll enjoy much lower rental rates.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood287@comcast.net.