Kauffman upgrades have nothing to do with the game

Does it bother you as much as it does me that some people find it difficult, maybe impossible, to tell the truth?

My truthfulness column today deals with Kansas City's plans to renovate the two stadiums and the recent story concerning their plans for Kauffman Stadium. The lies I speak of are dressed up in the flowery prose surrounding their plans "for the fans." Ah, yes, for the fans.

What they are saying in a sense, is this. You don't go to baseball games for baseball. As I read all the gobbledygook about this and that and what they're going to do, there was nothing about the game itself.

They are going to build a fan walk -- Whoopey! I bet you've dreamed your whole life about a fan walk. It's going to be real neat, like the one they built in Atlanta and subsequently closed for lack of interest. What they will do is build this area behind what they used to term right field GA where people can buy food and drinks while they watch batting practice. It's like the rest of the improvements with their real intended purpose -- a way to separate people from their money. Nowadays, you can take a family of four to a game and plan to spend about $200 for everything. Imagine how much more you will be able to spend after all these improvements are made. I mean, shoot, they have to generate enough revenue to at least make fans think they'll attempt to keep some of those Scott Boras players who will want $100 million in order to stay. Heck, a guy has to make enough to eat.

They are going to double the number of suites with plasma TVs and internet connections by moving the press box up so high you'll need a pair of binoculars to see the game. What does it matter, though? You don't watch the game on the field anymore. You look at the TV sets.

They will double the concession stands from 100 to 200. You know. The ones that charge, so I've heard, $7 for a beer. They don't want the poor fans having to stand in line very long to spend their money. That is, if you don't want to wait for a vendor to come along with peanuts or hot dogs.

They're going to have all these fancy video boards (high definition, of course) and a spruced up Hall of Fame. They want to add an amphitheater, restaurants and bars so you can hang around (and spend money) before and after games. They also plan to move Ewing Kauffman's pride and joy, the flag display on the left field bank. You know, the pennants and championships they won back in the days when Kansas City got people in the ballpark the old fashioned way -- by winning games. Yeah, they used to flock in two million strong in spite of narrower concourses and fewer rest rooms. Imagine. They had enough restrooms for two million, but don't have enough now for fewer than a million and a half. I wonder if they've though of installing pay toilets.

What is the real national pastime? Is it baseball, lying or picking pockets? The latest example of pocket-picking was the scientific decision to downgrade Pluto's planet status, thus making it imperative to update every textbook with a mention of the solar system. Imagine how much that will cost.

It's the same with this stadium thing. It just bothers me that they want gimmicks to bring people in so they can thin out their wallets. Funny, isn't it? Places like Wrigley Field (1914) and Fenway Park (1912) aren't as outdated as Kauffman Stadium (1973). The difference in here and there is simple. In Boston they go for baseball. In Chicago, they go to Wrigley for the experience, to whatever they call that thing on the South Side, for good baseball. In Kansas City, they can't sell the game, so they try to find another way to get you in and squeeze you through the dollar wringer. I just wish they'd tell the truth about it.