What Memorials Will You Leave Behind?

Hi neighbors. While preparing for Memorial Day I wonder how many of us actually touch the tombstones when we place flowers on graves. Do you? Is a tombstone a memorial for the eyes and mind only, or is it a tangible reminder of your loved one? I remember going with my grandmother to cemeteries to place flowers for Memorial Day. She touched every stone. She kept a hand on the stone while placing the flowers or flags, while pulling weeds from around it -- she always did everything with only one hand.

As a child I wondered why.

Now that I'm in the grandparents club myself, I know why she held onto those stones while she was near them.

As a genealogist I read tombstones for the information on them. I sometimes touch them to remove dirt or weeds in order to read the inscription better.

In the constant hope that age somehow magically bestows wisdom, I find myself watching my elders closer; and remembering the actions of my own elders. I have come to a realization.

My grandmother touched the tombstones to reassure herself that there was something touchable of them left behind. I understand that now.

Most of us store away some type of keepsake for the large and small events of our lives that we want to remember. Sure we have memories, we have photos, we have dates and places recorded in our data bases. But what do we have to hold in our hands? What three dimensional object do we posses that our departed loved ones touched? I hope we all have something besides their tombstones. Cards, letters and even photos are wonderful; but they have no depth. With all they may tell us, we can't hold them, turn them around and feel their surface as we can a real object.

Most women have a favorite serving dish, baking pan or dessert pan that they use all the time. How wonderful to hold that dish or pan years after the original cook has passed on! Even better, to continue their story by using it during a family reunion or get-together. Women often pass on jewelry to their daughters.

Men in my family at least, often pass their watches, guns and work tools down to their eldest son. I wonder how often they hear their father's or grandfather's voice in their memory when they use those tools or go hunting with those guns.

The fact is our lives are constantly involved with the things we use to keep house or make a living. As children we often admire these "don't touch" items that through the years we are taught how to use by our parents.

A tool or cooking utensil can carry many years of fond memories of shared times with a beloved adult.

Toys often hold this same meaning. Although not usually a family heirloom, toys we had as children are often still available today. We can buy them for our own children or even our grandchildren. As we take time to play with them we can share the stories of our own selves as children. You might be surprised how similar today's five year olds are with ourselves at that age -- and our children at that age if you are a grandparent.

Particularly valuable are the sacrifices of men and women who fought for our freedom. It is important that younger children realize that throughout America's past their own family members have played a role in making its history and shaping America's future. Don't let the stories of those brave warriors be forgotten, nor the reasons they fought.

I hope you are fortunate enough this Memorial Day to spend time with your immediate and extended families. If you visit one or more cemeteries to place flowers and flags, don't forget to touch the tombstones.

And please, don't forget to tell your children and grandchildren why you are doing it.

Until the next time friends remember, tombstones are wonderful monuments to a passed loved one; but we the living don't have our lives etched in stone. Time changes every one of us and even stones eventually crumble. Our only immortality in this world is what we pass on to our children and their children.