Flossie debates Columbus Day

Hi neighbors. This Monday we can celebrate (and government employees stay home from work) Columbus Day. I'm not certain why we have a Monday holiday to celebrate Columbus Day.

The usual reply is due to Christopher Columbus discovering America. Of course it wasn't America when he discovered it. I asked Flossie's opinion.

"Of course Christopher Columbus did NOT discover America!" she said loudly, snorted, grabbed a cookie and munched and sipped a few seconds while I waited for her dispersal of history, Flossie style.

"First off, he was sent out by a woman to run an errand. A simple errand, like go find a quick way to get some cinnamon here. Well, his first excuse to delay was he ran into some of his buds on two other ships and they wanted to go along for moral support. They get lost because, of course, there was no woman on board the ship to point out which direction was west."

This was getting interesting! I poured us both a second cup of coffee, added Flossie's sugar and cream and stirred the spoon for her. (I use plastic spoons for Flossie now as all of my cups are scratched inside from her stirring with metal spoons.)

She finished her first cookie and located another like it before she spoke again. "They took forever, which the queen should have known they would. After all, give a bunch of guys new vehicles, no time restrictions and unlimited fuel and who knows when they'll drag themselves home!"

"Oh he found something alright. My bet is he never made it past those islands with the hula girls. He stayed there till they wore out their welcome, then grabbed a couple of coconuts, a wild pig or two and took that back to the queen."

"If Christopher Columbus had discovered the North American continent, he would have named it Christopher Ville or Columbia or some such thing. He would have named it after himself! Maybe in fear of the queen getting tired of waiting for him to get back, he would have named it Little Spain or something like that. No, like other explorers he would have named what he found after himself."

Well, then who did discover America Flossie? I asked.

"Some say the Vikings were here first. Considering how well people like Thor in the Avengers I'd agree."

No, Readers, don't say a word, this is Flossie logic and not to be disputed -- at least not within Flossie's hearing.

I drank more coffee.

"Some other people say the Chinese may have been here first. I don't know. They are supposed to be the smartest people in the world, so why didn't they stay here?"

Well, maybe they are smarter now than they were then, I ventured.

"For heaven's sake! Like they've evolved or something? Let me explain this to you..." That plastic spoon was whirling!

"They say that the Chinese are smarter than us because of the complexity of their language. That learning all those symbols over the centuries made them smarter. Well I'd like to know who the smart one was who figured out that language in the first place. How could he be smart enough to do that and still have to evolve to get smarter doing it?"

I sat there speechless, overwhelmed by the clarity of Flossie logic yet again. I ate a cookie, refilled my coffee cup and then asked weakly.

OK, Flossie. Who DID discover America then?

"Well who do you think? The answer should be obvious to anyone who goes to the movies or reads a book! Any child can tell you America had to have been discovered -- and was named by -- Captain America!"

I sighed. More coffee, Flossie?