The sandwich generation changes

When I was growing up I had never heard of such a thing as the sandwich generation. I knew that some of our neighbors had their older parents living in the home with them. Or maybe they were living in the home of the older parents. At that time I wasn't interested in the finances or responsibility arrangements. I just knew that they lived together.

Our family didn't have that situation. My grandparents had either already died or lived so far away that we only saw them during the summer and then it was for short visits. I do remember that during the depression years one time my oldest sister came back to live with us when she didn't have a teaching position. There was also a time or two that my oldest brother lived with us after college graduation until he found a better job. But those were temporary situations and their being in the home didn't really change any of the usual activities. In fact my sister took over some of the cooking for my mother so it was helpful.

But when I became an adult and had children of my own, the situation changed. My parents lived as neighbors and were a great asset to us. That was until my father's health began to fail. Then I became his chauffeur, my mother's support system and errand runner. This was when I had school age children, a toddler and was pregnant. I often needed to pick up the toddler from a nap to drive my father to town. I was glad I was there to help and they showed their appreciation in many ways, but I felt like I was the middle of a sandwich. The top slice was my concern and responsibilities for my parents. The bottom slice was the needs of my children and husband. In between I was the squashed egg salad.

Then came years when everyone was self-sufficient and no one was any part of a sandwich. The children had children of their own. I enjoyed them but had little responsibility for them. But my oldest sibling who was now our neighbor needed some assistance. I was nearby and glad to help out. Then a great-grandchild came to live with us, and I was again in the middle of a generational sandwich. The difference was that I was not like the fresh egg salad sandwich of the past. I was more like a pressed ham sandwich filling. It was a much thinner sandwich. I think some of the meat might have even shown a little mold.

As all things do, this too passed and I was back in charge of our own life as middle age plus retirees living the golden years -- for a few weeks anyway. We were delighted that several of our children and grandchildren had moved nearby. We enjoy their company and considerable assistance. In fact, one day I realized that my escape from the middle of the sandwich had put me right on top of the snack.

We were now the top slice of this generation sandwich. Instead of me helping out older loved ones or caring for younger ones, I was now the grateful recipient of attention, aid, and companionship. Those same offspring that shared with me in the care of my parents and sister are caring for us and at the same time taking care of their own grandchildren. They also have responsibilities for their parents-in-law. I have tried to coordinate with our co-grandparents to not all collapse at the same time, but it doesn't always work out that way. Some weeks our son is driving us to Kansas City for medical care while his wife, after bringing us some groceries, goes to her home town of Butler to be with her mother awaiting a medical procedure. Our daughters are balancing doing errands for us with their jobs and filling in as doting relatives for the newest child in our family. Another son is providing long distance assistance in transportation and lodging for us while driving his wife and live-in mother-in-law to visit an ailing relative. He will need to babysit their grandson whom they are raising while the others visit in the hospital.

So what goes around comes around. The top of the sandwich is a nourishing place to be. I hope those wonderful sandwich fillers that complete our lives will be able someday to experience the thrill of knowing that what they have done for others is now coming back to nourish them. Those sandwiches make life one wonderful meal, no matter if you are the top or bottom slice, or the life-giving middle part.