What do you say?

When you were young and were given a gift, often one of your parents would immediately ask, "What do you say?" of course your response was to thank the person for the gift that was received. I think I am grown up enough now that I don't need this type of prodding for me to express thanks. But sometimes it is hard to really express thanks properly.

Often we will see little ads in the newspaper where a family will try to express thanks for the kindnesses given at the time of a death in the family. Other such notices will thank for support in an election, or thanks to customers when a business is closing after several years. It is good to see such public thanks which can cover many people at once. A family finds it hard to give personal thanks following a personal loss. And a politician can't know individually who have been the supporters needing thanks. Business thanks can reach many people at once as well as being good advertising.

We have had numerous reasons for giving thanks to many people this winter during Lester's recovery from cancer. We may not have known everyone who sent good wishes our way. Prayers are always appreciated but not always known about. Thanks given at the delivery of some food, or a friendly visit or phone call seem to be inadequate to really express our gratitude. A note or card, and ones sent from a group where we normally would be attending also, help keep us informed and aware of the world out there. I admit I have been lax in thanking those who sent such messages, but have tried to respond when I met or talked to those who have been generous in their messages.

I should be more organized in sending thanks back to our friends because I get unhappy when I don't receive thanks from some of our young family members who have received gifts from me. Often I have ordered something to be sent to their home and don't like to have only the notice on my credit card bill to verify that I observed the occasion.

I don't expect a written thanks if the gift was given in person and I was nicely thanked. But if I went through the trouble of mailing a package, or ordered a gift I do want some response -- even if it is only from the parents.

We seem to notice the lack of other people's thanks and neglect to see that we have also been remiss at times. For example I always try to thank the person who carries my groceries from the store to the car, but sometimes I get distracted by looking for my car key or fastening the seat belt and don't realize that the job has been done and the worker gone without my thanks.

The practice of tipping at restaurants is a way of saying thanks to the server, but it is always nice to give a smile or a word of thanks in addition.

The thanks that I value the most are those that arrive a few days or even weeks later. When I receive a phone call, an email, or a note after someone has read my column, or been at a Road Scholar where I was an instructor, or read one of my books means more to me than what was said immediately. Of course it helps if the person contacting me liked what I said, did, or wrote. However if someone remembered it even negatively some time later I guess I should be thankful when they respond.

So, even if I no longer have a parent to remind me, I want to thank the many people throughout my life who have helped me, encouraged me, had fun with me, fed me, held my hand, cried with me, taught me, hugged me, offered some help even if I didn't need it right then, drove for me when I couldn't do it myself, amused me, filled my teeth, kept me well, smiled at me, sang to me, worked with me, preached to me, shared with me and loved me. Each of you is appreciated even if I haven't told you so.

Thanks a lot.