Flossie prepares for spring weather

Hi neighbors.

I went to Flossie's the other day to see her new kitten "Tinkerbelle" and to eat some of her homemade applesauce cake. (Delicious!)

Tinkerbelle is a tiny calico with a loud voice and very sharp kitten claws! She had just been weaned when Flossie got her the day before and she was very needy for attention.

We passed her back and forth as one or the other of us had to move around for coffee, cake, etc.

"You know I've been thinking about tornadoes," Flossie said, petting Tink's head with one thumb. "Since the kid's left home I've not worried too much about it, but since I have Tink here, I need a plan for survival for both of us."

"Well, they have those safe rooms that are supposed to protect you from tornadoes..."

"No, no! The way to survive a tornado or any natural disaster is to be one with it."

"OK, I don't know how anyone could be 'at one' with a tornado. I think I'll just stick with the plan to hide out and wait till it passes."

Flossie snorted. "What is a tornado? Just wind going in a circle. It's too strong to stop it, too big to avoid it, and too powerful to stand up to it." She poured Tink a saucer of cream and set both on the floor.

"Do you remember the Mars Rover? Remember the balloon bouncy thing they had all around it for the landing? Well, I figure if a technical device as fragile as the Rover could survive a fall of several miles using balloons, I could ride out a tornado using the same strategy."

"I've been working on my own safe ride out of a tornado! The secret is letting the air move around you instead of trying to stop it or deflect it. Come along, I'll show you."

In her garage floated a lawn chair with hundreds of balloons tied to it; all were surrounded by a funnel shaped layer after layer of bubble wrap. While I admired the contraption, Flossie donned her "weathernaut" attire.

"What do you think?" she asked. I turned to see her. She was wearing a chain-link diver's shark suit, a football face mask and helmet complete with forehead light, and a cell phone taped to a military belt. She wore rubber boots and held a mesh bag that once held oranges.

She and I pulled the chair from the garage and I held on to it for fear it would be carried away by the balloons. "Don't worry!" Flossie showed me it was firmly attached to the outdoor spigot by a shrinkable garden hose. "This is stronger than cable and a lot lighter. It will make a good anchor to hold me near my house while the tornado goes on by."

She sat down, strapped herself in with a re-purposed car seatbelt. Her booted feet slipped into "holsters" I recognized as old bicycle pedals.

"What's the bag for?" I asked.

"To hold Tink of course!" She picked her up and stuffed her into the bag, pulled the string to close it and wrapped the string around her wrist.

"Now then. You go turn on the sprinkler and I'll show how this will work in a real storm." Flossie looked at me with all kinds of confidence while I turned the other outdoor spigot on and started the wave-like motion of the lawn sprinkler.

Tink was inexperienced and had no idea what being in a mesh bag with a wave of water ready to hit it might do to her. She figured it out pretty quick after the first three drops hit.

With a scream far too demented for such a cute kitten, she started shredding: first the net bag (that took three seconds), then the string (another half a second), and finally Flossie's arm. That took longer as Flossie did have on that shark proof suit.

Discouraged from that route of escape, Tink decided going up would be beneficial. She bounced off Flossie's arm, over her shoulder, up on her helmet and then started popping bubble wrap and balloons with all four paws and all of those sharp little milk teeth.

Being a survivalist first and foremost, Flossie tossed her helmet into the air and untied herself from the lawn chair which started floating slowing upward. Tink, still engulfed in a few layers of bubble wrap and a dozen more balloons, was holding onto anything she could sink her claws into.

While Tink made a slow, safe decent by popping her way out of danger, Flossie sighed deeply. She looked at me and smiled sadly.

"How much does one of those safe rooms cost, you think?" she asked.