If only I had known

Unfortunately I have gone to quite a few funerals lately. Quite often when I have heard the obituary read, or seen it printed, I will say, "I didn't know that about her or him." Often I learned of an interest the deceased had enjoyed that I would have liked to share. Sometimes I discovered a relative that I didn't realize was in that family. Maybe it was the age the person had reached, or the number of years married that surprised me.

There is a saying that within seven trials there is something that can connect each of us to another person that we meet. It may be where we were raised, the location of our schools, our hobby, a trip we each took or even a preference to a certain candy bar. We each have at least one thing in common with every other person. We can discover what it is if we try. If that is so, then why do I have to wait until I read or hear an obituary to learn more about another person whom I cared for enough to attend the final services?

When I interview someone for an article in the paper I sometimes find it hard to keep on the subject of the person being interviewed because something I discover in the conversation makes me want to tell them about MY experience/school/ relatives/ hobbies/health. I try to refrain and limit myself to learning about them, but I can't resist occasionally letting a little personal history get thrown in. That isn't good journalism, but it is good for forming relationships. Usually. Sometimes it is just enough information to convince the other person that they will be glad when the conversation is over.

But let's talk about a casual meeting at church. You know that the person who often sits behind you is, oh you know, he's the son of the woman who used to be in charge of the dish cloths sold at the bazaar. I can't think of his name right now, but you know who he is. But what else do you know about him? You might know that he plays golf if he leaves the church on sunny days the minute the last hymn starts. But do you know what he likes to do on rainy days? Does he have a dog or a cat or both? When you see him you probably ask how he is. But do you know really how he is? And would he tell you if he wasn't as fine as he proclaims?

I wonder what a casual friend like that would say if you went up to him and said, "I know who you are but is there something you can tell me about yourself that I don't know?" I can't predict what he would actually say, but I can predict what he would be thinking. He would think you have finally lost the last of your marbles.

No, there has to be some better way to really get to know each other. Being in the same club, the same church, the same office, or the same classroom doesn't always let us really know each other. Maybe adding those associations with other activities would help. We can't invite everyone we know home to dinner with us. And in my case it would let the other person know more about me than I really want known.

We can always turn to the person sitting next to us in whatever group we are sharing together and ask for more information on that other person. That might seem too much like gossip however. You could always stay a minute or two after the group is dismissed and get in conversation with someone you didn't know very well. But the other person probably has another place to be very soon. We are a busy society and can't take too much time in one place.

I thought it might be helpful if everyone would write their obituaries while they are still hale and hearty and be ready to give a copy to anyone who seems interested in knowing more about you. This could be distributed in organizations where you belong so that people could have a chance to share an interest with you while you are still here with them. However that would probably insure that there would not be many people at your service. Everyone would already know your life story and would feel it was useless to attend.

My final thought on this situation is that maybe it's just as well that we don't really know everything there is to know about everyone else. If others don't know everything about you they may have not known some of your secrets. If we don't know everything about someone else we may not know some of their secrets either. We'll probably end up liking each other better the way it is now.

So, "Have a nice day. I'll see you again soon."