Do you need a hug?

By Carolyn Thornton

I have been given two little books called "Hugs." These books explain the value of giving and receiving hugs. It also has illustrations about different types of hugs. These go from bear hugs to group hugs, from side hugs to from-the-back hugs. The premise is that any hug is helpful for both the hugger and the hugee. I have used these books often and find them very useful since I seem to do a lot of hugging.

At the same time that I am making use of these tools, I think of all the times that it is perfectly acceptable to hug another person. This morning, on the news, I saw our president hugging a candidate for office from the opposite party. It made me stop and think. How often do you imagine that George Washington hugged, say, Thomas Jefferson? There certainly are no records of that being done. But at almost any political gathering now, the men are hugging each other, the men are hugging the women, the women are hugging other women and the women are hugging the men.

In private life members of a family will hug each other as they leave, or return. When a neighbor comes with a plate of cookies, often a hug is exchanged for the plate of goodies. I can't remember my mother ever hugging her best friends, even after she was returning after the nine month stay in Washington, D.C. Sometimes a little kiss on the side of the mouth, but usually just a very warm handshake.

When Lester was ordained by the bishop as a minister in the United Methodist Church, the Bishop and other clergy involved in the ceremony shook his hand. More recent ceremonies of the same significance involve many hugs. The bishop and other clergy, the spouse, and sometimes even other significant family members all are front and center exchanging hugs back and forth. It takes a lot longer to complete the ceremony since this has been the practice.

Good friends, of either sex, will exchange hugs when they meet, even if it is in response to an invitation that they are seeing each other. When it is an accidental meeting the hugs are even more pronounced. I remember once when I was the coordinator of Community Outreach a couple came into the office from the congregation of a former church that Lester had served. The man was the first one I saw and I jumped up and we exchanged a hearty hug. Then I spotted his wife and the procedure was repeated. One of the workers in the office said, "I guess that is your brother?" Steve and I both laughed because, as Steve explained to the worker, "In our church we all hug each other every week." It would have looked very odd to Steve, or Elsie, if I hadn't jumped up to give them hugs.

I remember when I first became a "minister's wife" we had some programs to let us know what was expected of us. One thing I remember clearly was that we should offer our hand to a man for a handshake because he couldn't introduce the gesture unless we first offered our hand. That soon changed and they quit even having such programs about etiquette for us. It was no different than for any women. I suppose now that offering our hand would be a sign that we preferred a handshake to a hug.

Some groups still use the handshake or maybe just a smile and a word or two of greeting. But nothing would be said if a hug was exchanged instead.

I seem to remember that when I was a child, I thought that a hug was what was given to children, not to adults. Maybe this newer trend shows that we are all more childish than our ancestors were. Whatever, I still enjoy a hug, the tighter the better, so I guess I never did really grow up.