Flossie vs St. Patrick's leprechauns 1-0

Hi neighbors.

Believe it or not, this Monday is St. Patrick's Day. Believe in them or not, many people swear they have had encounters of the tricky kind with leprechauns, wee folk, fairies, etc.

My mostly pragmatic friend, Flossie has some chinks in her armor of "scientific thinking" that bare strong resemblances to superstition. Just don't tell her that.

She called me Friday night and asked if she could come over for the weekend. She sounded nervous and a little frightened. When I asked her what was wrong she whispered, "I'll tell you when I get there. And I'm bringing the kitten."

She arrived with her overnight bag and three sacks of groceries. Two of which contained whole cream, real butter and a half fifth of 100 proof Irish whiskey. The third bag contained Key Lime pie, a jar of instant Irish coffee and four cans of cat food.

She pushed her way past me, dropped the kitten to the floor and quickly shut the door. "I've got to pay this year for forgetting last year. I'm being stalked by wee folk," she hissed the words through clenched teeth.

"What are you talking about?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Last St. Patrick's Day I forgot to put out cream and butter. This year they are all over my house and yard waiting to catch me off guard. They followed me here."

"How do you know this?" I asked -- not the smartest thing I had done all day.

"It's already started!" She latched the door and peeked out the window. "I've lost my keys, and just now my cell phone! The keys were in my pants pocket where they always are! I had to get my spare set. I had my cell phone in my hand coming in from the car. It's uncanny I tell you."

"Oh Flossie," I sighed.

She grabbed up the kitten. "Don't let him out of your sight. They steal kittens and keep them all night, tormenting them and eating their food until the next morning.

"Hear that? Dogs barking all night long and then just falling asleep with the sunrise...

"Look out at the yard? Do you notice the clover isn't growing? It is always growing by this time of year. See the dandelions all growing in a perfect circle? That's a fairy ring. That means the wee folk are after you.

"And! While I was walking in to your house I heard the little people singing under your back stoop! Now that is all the proof I need. I'm not going to make them mad this year."

She started taking saucers out of the cabinet.

"Hurry, we have to get these out before sundown. You pour the whiskey, I'll pour the cream."

We quickly mixed whiskey and cream in the saucers and cut up pieces of butter to put around and in the milk and whiskey. I bet the neighbors had never seen two old women move as fast as we "defined the perimeter" with our home-made fairy feast.

When the yard was sufficiently surrounded with our drippy treats, we retreated to the house. Flossie quickly went to plan B which included hanging wind chimes in front of each door and window. "They don't like wind chimes and won't come in."

Flossie made a quick round checking the house and then slumped into the couch.

"How about some Key Lime Pie?" I asked.

She nodded and I put a couple of slices into bowls since my saucers were all outside.

The next morning she was the first one awake.

"Just look!" she said triumphantly. "We did it! The little imps won't be back for a whole year now."

We made sure the kitten was OK then headed outside. Sure enough, all the cream, butter and whiskey were gone! Every saucer was empty. Ten neighborhood dogs were sleeping in the sunrise -- with whiskey on their breath.

The clover was growing green and confined to three leaves on each twig. The dandelion ring was now trampled down flat -- due to drunken dogs no doubt and when Flossie patted her coat pocket, she found her keys.

Just as we were starting to do our celebration jig, we heard little folks singing under the stoop! I had never seen a pixie or fairy so I had to look, even while Flossie was giving the porch the hex sign.

I stood up and handed her the cell phone that had fallen from her hand last night.

"How about some breakfast?" I asked.

"Sure, as soon as I take down those noisy wind chimes!"