Making choices becomes harder with age

As a person gets older it would seem that every choice made would be very important. Time may be running out sooner than expected, or abilities to participate in some activities might become more limited as age passes. Therefore it seems logical that each choice would be very important and undertaken with much thought and deliberation.

Take this morning for example. I had decided last night that I would sleep as long as I wanted since I had no outside demands on my time. I had this column to write plus an article or two for the Senior Page but my research was done and all I had to do was put it into words on the computer. So when I heard Lester get out of bed I just turned over and went back to sleep. He had agreed with my plan the night before so I had no feelings of guilt.

A little later I heard our son Michael bringing over wood for our auxiliary stove which we use in colder weather. I again felt no guilt but I spent many minutes thinking of all the things he does for us now, and always has done. Not to show any partiality, I went through all four children and thought of all each of them does for me. It was so warm and comfortable in the bed that I lingered over each child's goodness to me.

I then did feel a little guilty because when I tried to think what I had done for any of them I came up lacking nearly enough to repay all they had done for me. Oh sure, we raised, educated, fed, clothed and loved them. But what had I done for them lately? That almost made me feel guilty enough to get up, but the bed still felt very good and none of them were around right then for me to do anything for them, so I started to close my eyes again.

Just as my eyes closed I saw one of our well-fed squirrels jumping from the tiny limbs on one oak tree to similar ones on the next tree. The limb nearly fell with the weight of the squirrel, but it swung back up again as the little guy dropped down to our deck. He started a routine of sitting on one of the posts of the deck's "fence" and then hopped to the next down the line to the end. Next he turned around and repeated his actions in reverse. I wondered if he was looking for something in particular because the entire deck is covered with fallen acorns and he certainly wasn't hungry. I finally decided he was like a kid, just playing a routine over and over again. I didn't see him wearing any stop watch, but it did look like he was maybe trying to do it faster each time.

His game was interrupted by a beautiful orange and white cat walking onto the deck. I thought I needed to call our neighbors to see if the cat was theirs or if it is a stray. It seemed so self-assured I don't think it was a stray, especially when he went over, jumped into my padded lawn swing and curled up to nap.

That started me on a whole new line of thought when I began listing the things I enjoy seeing from inside our home. I see even more if I go outside, but then I am usually more mobile and don't notice some actions of the creatures I see. I remembered how happy I was to see the cardinal return to my bird feeder yesterday. I hadn't seen any this winter, but soon after I put the seed in the feeder one did appear. Could it be that they don't come for my enjoyment, but come to fill their tummies?

I was now completely awake and feeling very content with my life and my home. Then I got up and saw the laundry that needed to be done, the tons of advertising gift catalogs scattered around the house which need to be picked up and recycled, the dead leaves that had stuck to Michael's feet as he brought in the wood earlier which should be swept out, and of course the bed that I was leaving needed to be remade.

That's when the process of decisions came in. What should I do first and what is most important? In light of my advanced age, and my earlier contentment with my lot, I made the decision.

I will do whatever I feel like doing. I'd rather die with a warm fuzzy feeling and a smile than a clean house. The choices are mine to make so I will just not make any.