Windstorm Flossie blows her top

Hi neighbors. With all the high winds, many people have had shingles blow off or other roof problems.

My pal Flossie came over the other day and stated her roof flew away. I asked her if she wanted some coffee although she was already having a shaking fit.

She sat down and wrapped my sofa throw around her shoulders. She took a cup of coffee (I had already stirred in the cream and sugar) in shaky hands and took a sip before setting it down on the coffee table.

"Did your entire roof blow away?" It didn't seem possible without a tornado being involved, although, I reminded myself silently, there was that microburst a few years ago.

Flossie stared at me for a while, then said softly, "Yes! The whole roof, at least the parts over my head."

"You're not making much sense, Flossie. Are you sure you are OK?"

"No, no I'm not sure. Tink is OK; but she won't come out of the dryer." She reached out for the coffee cup and looked at me pitifully. "Could I have a cookie or piece of cake?"

Her voice was so soft and pleading, not at all like my Flossie. "Sure!" I got her some cookies.

"Flossie, are you sure you aren't having a stroke, or in shock, or having a PTSD attack? You look awful? What did you mean Tink is in the dryer? Should you go to the hospital?"

That snapped her back to her normal self.

"Hospital? Are you crazy? People die in hospitals!" She took a more determined sip of her coffee. She took a full gulp of coffee, a big bite of cookie and then set both down.

"Tell me what happened?" I encouraged her gently.

"The roof blew off! Well, not the wooden part, but all the shingles flew up in the air. I heard the worst tearing and pulling sound, then a big bang, then another big bang and then a whoosh where the air blew into the attic."

While telling me this, Flossie rose from the sofa and reenacted the entire event. Arms waving, whooshing through her mouth to imitate the wind, banging on the coffee table with her hands to demonstrate the sound the attic fans made in their escape into the yard.

"Flossie, you'd better calm down," I warned.

She kept dancing. "The wind was blowing through the attic! Tink jumped up and ran to hide in the clothes dryer, pulling the door shut with one little paw." Flossie paused for effect, "Poor little thing was scared out of whatever's left of her mind."

She sipped some coffee without sitting down; then commenced retelling her adventure. I went out to the lawn and it was completely covered in shingles! Well, the north side of it was, the rest of the shingles were still in motion blowing down the street!"

Flossie grabbed her chest. "I ran in and checked the weather forecast -- RAIN! I ran back out and gathered up my attic fans just as they were tumbling into the ditch. I put them in the garage and by the way, the garage's roof is fine! Isn't that how it always goes?"

"Oh my Flossie, what are you going to do? Well, after coffee and cookies what are you going to do?"

She picked up her coffee cup and headed to the kitchen. I followed her, uncertain of her mental condition.

She poured a cup, put in her sugar and cream and started to stir. She continued stirring for several minutes until I interrupted her again.

"Flossie! You have to call your insurance man. They can get someone out here to put a temporary cover on your roof so there's no more damage."

She stopped stirring and said flatly, "I did, they did, it will be OK. I just thought you should know in case I have a heart attack before this is all over with. Someone has to know to let Tink out of the clothes dryer when the wind stops howling."

I hugged her frail frame and patted her back, "Now don't worry, dear. You have the same insurance company I do. Bill is a fine man and will get things done quickly for you. We'll go get Tink out of the dryer and you can both stay here until things are all finished."

Flossie gave me a lopsided smile. "That's awfully kind of you to offer, dear. Especially since you have more than half your shingles laying in your yard too."

"What?"