The dangers of sitting on glass meth pipes, and why "keep out" signs don't work

The idea of growing wise is that you always learn as you get older. You learn by making mistakes, you learn from other people's mistakes, you learn from education, and you learn from hands on experience. The upstanding citizens in our criminal world have missed one of the switches to a lightbulb and unfortunately they appear to be going in the wrong direction, getting dumber and dumber instead of smarter and smarter. So here is the third installment in the future book "Crime for Dummies."

I hope that any readers who have this "problem" will understand that I am not trying to help them get away with a crime, but what they are doing is making them stupid and getting them in trouble. I want to point out some obvious things that they may not understand in the hopes that it will help keep them safer and possibly keep them out of trouble just a little more.

In the drug world when we refer to a "glass pipe" we are usually talking about a meth pipe, marijuana pipe, or a pipe used to smoke some other type of illegal drug. Now to our criminals who are short a few lightbulbs in the attic, the key word to pay attention to is "glass." That means when you hide the glass pipe in your shoe, your underwear, or under where you are sitting, it can break. Glass is very sharp, and when the glass breaks you can get cut. I point this out because it makes no difference to law enforcement if they collect a whole pipe with meth residue on it or pieces of a broken pipe, we will still charge you with it. Sadly this is something that happens all the time. But if you are going to get caught with a meth pipe, why not save yourself from getting cut in the process!

Now let's talk about the "no trespassing" and "keep out" signs. Putting up a "keep out" sign on the bedroom door where you keep all your drugs works about as well as a "no guns" sign on the door of a gun store. If you are a drug dealer, the people you hang out with will not care about a sign that you posted, even if you drew lots of arrows to it. And while we are talking about drawing, I will say thank you to the ones who wrote their name on the walls, the bongs, the meth pipes, and the boxes you store such pipes in. It makes it feel a little like we are working on the same side!

That is enough talk about drugs. We would not want the other criminals to feel left out because they did not get any advice. So here is some for the rest of them. A good rule of thumb is that guns and alcohol do not mix. Even though you think you can handle it, you do not want to be the guy who drinks too much and strips off all his clothes and starts shooting at the "air." The air is very thin and can be hard to hit!

To the one who tried using their blinker during a vehicle pursuit and then turned the other direction, it does not work. We are chasing you because you are breaking the law, so we already do not trust you. And here is the biggest secret yet, when you ask someone if they are a cop before you sell them drugs and they say "no," it could still be a cop! I know that is mind blowing, but cops will not tell you they are cops when they are undercover even if you ask them to "promise" they are not. All we do for a living is look for ways to catch people who break the law so the best advice I can give you is: get a job, buy your own stuff, get addicted to something legal, get rid of all your friends who only show up when you have drugs, and STOP BREAKING THE LAW!