Perks of being a caregiver

Editors note: This column originally ran in the Nov. 22, 2013 edition of the Nevada Daily Mail.

Probably many of you readers at some time in your life have been a caregiver to a relative or a friend. Maybe it was even your profession. I know it is a never-ending job and having a little relief now and then can be a big help.

That is why I was part of a group that started the Neighbors, an adult Day Care here in Nevada. We wanted to provide a way that families who wanted to keep their loved ones at home, but needed to have a personal or professional life also, could have a way to do both things. We were told that these agencies didn't usually last very long in smaller cities like Nevada, but I am proud of the fact that it is still going strong after nearly 20 years on East Walnut Street, with the beginning help of the Nevada Regional Medical Center and the Moss Trust Fund.

Soon after I resigned as director of the Neighbors I became the caregiver for my sister, Miriam. Since she was almost 20 years older than I and was in excellent health most of her life, the responsibility didn't last more than a few years. The facility that is now called Culpepper Place opened up and provided wonderful care for her the last few weeks.

Although she was very happy there and enjoyed the care and companionship, I am now glad that it hadn't opened up sooner. If it had I wouldn't have had the experience of being her caregiver through several different stages. It was not just that I had more time to be with her in a close relationship, but it was because I was learning so much about getting old that is very helpful to me now.

When I look at a part of my body that isn't acting properly I can say, "Oh, that's right. Miriam used to do/say/talk about that too." I used to wonder how real some of the symptoms were. Now I know. They were real and I've got them.

Since we are sisters and had a similar upbringing, even if far apart in years, I seem to have come up with some of the same things that she had. I certainly hope that I remain as sharp mentally as she did. The other things I can deal with.

I remember once, quite a few years ago, I was giving a speech in Butler. I had my hands lying on the lectern on my notes. As I paused for breath, I looked down at my notes and noticed my hands. I thought, "What are Mama's hands doing on the end of my arms?" I have heard other middle age plus women say similar things, but when I had that revelation I had not heard it before. But they did look like those efficient hands of our mother who raised eight children, fairly successfully, if I do say so myself.

We had a caregiver for our mother until she moved to a Butler nursing home to be nearer to me, and of the eight children I was the only one nearby. So my contacts with her during that time of her life were not as frequent as my times were with Miriam.

Now when Ellen, my only surviving sibling, and I are together we will share thoughts about how Mama's aging affected her, and also compare it with Miriam's experiences. From each of those great women we learned a lot about living life. Now we are learning about getting old. (Or should I say getting older?)

I think about the Biblical story of Adam and Eve and realize how deprived they were that they had never seen an older person. What would they think when things began to sag, or not bend? And their children would have no experience knowing that this happens to all people eventually.

So, if you feel that you are getting a little older these days, think of what a value you are to your relatives. You are giving them insight to not worry when the same things happen to them. Experience is the best teacher, so some of you may be joining me in teaching a very valuable idea to those youngsters who think they know it all. They don't. Not yet.