Sinister

Editor's Note: This was originally published eight years ago right before the presidential election. Richard Carpenter has updated it, but he said he still has his doubts about those lefties lol.

I, like many of you, have already tired of this presidential election year. I would not be writing this now if it were not of vital importance. For you see friends, there is a "sinister plot" hidden in this campaign. If the news media is correct, our next president will be left-handed!

Both John McCain and Barak Obama, the presumptive Republican and Democratic candidates for president are left-handed. This is not just an accident, there has been a shift in the number of potential leaders to this "evil" side.

In 1992, there was also no choice for the American people. Incumbent George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot, were all of this left leaning persuasion. We barely escaped in 2000, as Al Gore was a well-known "lefty."

The word "sinister" actually is derived from the Latin word for left-handed. The ancients and most societies have always known what we seem to be blindly allowing to take place, that left-handers are a dangerous "devilish" group of people.

By now, I hope you realize that I am spoofing this symbolic nonsense. I do not believe that left-handers are evil. For that matter, I don't care much what church they attend, the color of their skin, or whether they have a so-called "American" name.

I am much more concerned with the individuals themselves. Anyone can take positions on issues. It is the whole person that I want to see and sense. Do they make me feel like they are a real and genuine individual?

As a very young child, I was, according to my parents, doing almost everything left-handed. They had no general preference or inclination to force a change upon me, so they let nature takes it course. In due time, I began to use the right hand more and more.

There are still some signs of my childhood tendencies.

In eating, for example, I am totally ambidextrous. I almost always keep my fork in my left hand, but cut with the knife in the right. Most people change the fork back to the right hand.

When I was researching this article on the Internet, I took a test to determine if I was right or left-brained. After the 20 questions, they sent me an email, which stated I was half and half. I had answered exactly 10 questions left-brained and 10 right-brained. Yes, I know some of you would say I am no-brained!

In my Internet research, I found that there have been a total of seven presidents who were left-handed. Garfield, Hoover, Truman, Ford, Reagan, Bush Sr., and Bill Clinton. It should be noted that Reagan was a little like me. He started out left-handed, but his teachers forced him to do things right handed. Much like his change in politics.

If the next president is left-handed, that will result in eight presidents out of the 44 total. That is really not too much of a change from the actual natural statistics of left-handers in everyday life. The eight would represent about 18 percent of the total when the new president becomes the 44th president.

Is there a change taking place? That is not so easily rebuffed. If one realizes that the first left- hander in the Oval Office was James Garfield, the 20th president, then things look a little different.

Out of the last 24 presidents, that would mean that one-third since Garfield have been left-handed.

There are some scientific studies that indicate that left-handed people act and think differently from the rest of society. This appears due to the fact that humans use the opposite side of their brains as the dominant part.

Thus a right-handed person is left-brained, and vice versa for the lefties. Testing over many years has shown that lefties or right-brained people are more likely to be artistic. Conversely they are more likely to have a mental illness. That should give all voters comfort!

Over the years, I have often wished that I had remained a left-hander. In sports the lefty always seems to possess very artistic and fluid movements (that is actually not true -- for example a lefty golfer or batter is shown in reverse, they look just like us). There are sports where these sinister individuals have a tremendous advantage over us "righties." In baseball, first base is closer to the side they hit from, making them harder to throw out on a ground ball.

This Saturday the 13th, left-handed people will have their annual day of celebration. Unlike the same period eight years ago, when both presidential candidate were left handed, I have no idea what either of our current candidates uses as their dominant hand.

Fitting in, has always been somewhat of an issue for lefties. Just think of the multitude of simple acts that are made difficult for them. Our writing and typing of words always goes to the right, and righties lean their letters that direction. Ever watched a leftie as they curl their hand while writing.

In a guitar store, each instrument is set for righties. Pianos must be a really difficult thing for a lefty. The melody hand needs to be on the right instead of the left.

In my mind, it makes little difference what side of the plate my friend uses. I take them at face value as to who they are, not which hand is dominant. Unfortunately, that is not the case when it comes to the current political scene.

Left and right have become political terms that actually bring people to anger. Both sides consider the other to be the sinister leaning people. Well you can't tell a lefty until you see them actually write or throw. Most of us Americans are the same, pretty much alike, until we express our sinister politics!