Fun facts for criminals

We have given tips, advice and "what-not-to-do's" to some of our regular customers, but with some recent incidents taking place, I think we also need to cover some basic physics, and laws of nature, and maybe laws of the jail too. So, let's cover some fun facts!

First, there is that oldy-but-a-goody that goes something like "what goes up, must come down." The attic is a favorite and popular place for criminals to hide; but they need to know the attic is up, and the Styrofoam panels that are stapled to the ceiling will not support a 210-pound person. You will fall through the ceiling and right in front of a deputy who will be waiting with open arms... or a Taser, but he will definitely be waiting.

The same principle also applies to vehicles and ditches. A vehicle's weight pulls it downward, so driving "over" a deep ditch does not work very well if you are trying to run from a deputy in a pursuit. In fact, it doesn't work at all. Your car will follow gravity to the bottom of the ditch and you will be left to run on foot.

Fingerprints are left from your fingers! Figure that one out. Even though the movies always show the CSI person getting finger prints from the steering wheel of the car you just stole, when you open the door with your bare hands to wipe off the steering wheel, you just left more prints on the door handle.

And for those who were smart enough to wear gloves, DNA can be pulled from the inside of the glove because it is also left behind when you touch things. Scientist have concluded in labs that the best way to avoid this is not to do it.

When a softer object hits a harder object, the softer object is what gives. This one is mind boggling. Have you ever seen the test crashes from car companies when the car slams into a brick wall?

It kind of works the same way when you punch the steel door inside the jail. If you didn't already know, your fist is the softer object. It was also confirmed by the inmate that attempted to "escape" our jail last week by running from the booking pit and into the laundry room, the steel doors are locked and will not open when you run into them. It is jail, did you really think it would be unlocked? My recommendation for getting out that door is do your time and get released.

It's not rocket science, but it is kind of hard to understand how the whole process works for getting booked into jail. When they "ask" you to change into the jail uniform, responding with "no thanks, I'll keep these clothes on" is not an option. They may have been trying to be polite, but it was not a question.

When they take your booking photo, the answer will always be no when you ask if you can have a few minutes to fix your hair. And asking if you can get a copy of your photo for your Facebook account when you get released is also a no. If you do something smart enough while getting arrested, it may end up in the news, and then you can get it from them.

When the detention officers tell you to stop resisting or you will get pepper sprayed, don't act surprised that its burning your eyes and demand an ambulance. It's supposed to burn, that's why they call it pepper spray. So, to re-cap, what goes up must come down, finger prints come from your fingers, you can't punch through a steel door, and pepper spray burns the eyes.

The idea with pointing out the obvious is not to make fun of people, but to point out the silly things they do. Like I have said before, people don't end up in jail because they are bad people, they end up in jail because they made wrong, and often foolish choices. Learn from your mistakes, learn from others mistakes, and be smarter.