One is, but shouldn't be, the loneliest number

Editors note: This column originally appeared in the Oct. 28, 1999 edition of the Nevada Daily Mail.

My husband and I were sitting in a restaurant recently when a woman walked in alone. The hostess asked her, "Only one?" The woman nodded yes and was seated.

I began thinking about the question the hostess had asked. It implied that maybe one was not a proper number, or that surely there must be someone else with this woman.

In this age of professional women traveling worldwide by themselves, why should there be any stigma to a woman eating alone. Yet I have heard others say that they do as I do when I don't have a dining partner. I go through the drive-through windows, order some food and take it to a park to eat in my car. I have enjoyed many pleasant meals at the top of the hill in Spring Street Park with my radio on to classical music, looking at the view down the hill and pulling all the onions out of my hamburger because I forgot to tell them what to omit.

When I am traveling alone I usually park at a restaurant as far away from the building as possible so that I can get more exercise walking. After using the facilities I order my food "to go," and return to the car to drive and eat. It helps pass the next half hour on the road and yet has given me a break with my little walk. But part of the reason is, I have to eat alone, especially in public.

Except when I was sick in bed and had my meal brought up to me on a tray, I don't think I ever ate a meal alone until I went to college. In our big family there was always a crowd at meal time. Even when the older siblings had left home there were always at least two or three at each meal.

In College I lived in a boarding house the first two ears with many people at each meal, but then moved to a rooming house where we had to go elsewhere to eat, or cook for ourselves in a basement makeshift kitchen. I sometimes tired of my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and would walk to the bus station to get a cheap meal there. I usually ordered tuna salad sandwiches and hot chocolate unless they had a good special.

Maturity has made me more aware of good nutrition, but I still rarely go into a restaurant and sit down and eat a full meal when I am alone.

I don't know why this is. I am not afraid. I am not embarrassed at my lack of an escort. I just prefer to be private if I am alone.

This has made me think of the wonderful people in our community who are, or were, the last of their families. The recent death of Dorothy Hill, who left no heirs, causes me to try to imagine what it would be like to have no family members left. Since my birth my family numbers up toward 100 now, with the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren of my parents, and my family by marriage is also fairly large, plus the family Lester and I have created now numbers over 20, I don't think I will ever have this situation.

But I also realize that our community has gained by some of our former citizens having no family heirs. The Moss Trust, the donations that Dorothy Hill made to her favorite programs, and the years of volunteer hours put in by capable persons such as Helen Margaret Warren who created her own family out of the staff and other volunteers in her chosen agencies, are all examples of ways we all have become heirs of those who had no blood family remaining.

I need to get over my dislike of solitary dining because I know there is enjoyment in people-watching as I eat. Even if Lester and I are together, we often are not in constant conversation but are each lost in our own thoughts and enjoying watching the other families and individuals who are in the restaurant. So I should get the same relaxation when I need to eat and have no companion. I am going to make an effort to do that. Hamburgers are not the best diet to eat day after day, so I will sit down and order a meal with vegetables, salad and, or course, desert.

Because I realize that there will be a time when I will need to answer -- when St. Peter asks, "Only one?"