Should have, could have, would it have made a difference?

If you have ever made a choice, a decision, or procrastinated about something in your life, this is my tale of just such an incident. As I reflect back to that long ago time I again ask myself the same questions that are in the title of this article. Should I have acted differently at that young age, could I have really had the courage to step up, and finally would it really have made a difference?

The concept for this story came to me when I remembered a time from 50 years ago. I had decided with the support of my high school football coach, Chuck Shelton, to walk on for a tryout as a Pittsburg State Gorilla football player.

I was a youthful 18 year old, who was soon to discover that many of the players on that team were several mature years older than the freshman recruits. If you have ever heard of the term “meat squad,” I certainly was a charter member of that group. It wasn’t long before I realized that I simply didn’t have the talent to ever be a starter at that level but they kept me around, likely in hopes I suspect, that I would remain a necessary member of the above named squad.

It was an especially hot August that summer unlike the current mild weather we are experiencing. Two a day practices were intense and exhausting. During those practices a Jeep would bring out bags of ice at the mid-point of a practice session and we eagerly grabbed a couple of hunks of ice to try and cool down and quench our thirst.

The dorm we lived in during camp was not air conditioned so I always look back on those days as some of the hottest and most miserable of my young life. Our afternoon practices would often last till close to dark and we were glad for that timing as it seemed to cool down a lot more than the morning practices, which ended in the middle of the day.

The practice fields at PSU were located on a vast expanse of grassy fields east of the Brandenburg Stadium parking lots. It was at least a quarter of a mile or more each way from the locker rooms to the fields. After a two-hour practice that ended with a lot of wind sprints, we learned the true meaning of the word ”trudged.” I have never been so weary.

Once we got back to the locker room there were always lines at the water fountains. We would easily discover that we had lost several pounds during a practice and you had to replenish your fluids. The regular school cafeteria would not open until the time when classes began after Labor Day, so we had meal vouchers for Harry’s Cafe in downtown Pittsburg.

After an evening practice in the second week, there was a surprise awaiting us outside the locker rooms. The PSU Cheerleaders were there to greet us and there was a huge stock tank filled with iced down watermelons. After the regular beatings and seemingly endless days of depressingly hot practices, this really lifted our spirits.

The cheerleader who was serving in my line was to a young 18 year old, breathtakingly beautiful. She had beautiful strawberry blond hair and when she smiled at me, I melted as if I was back on the practice field. I am not embarrassed to recall that I was instantly smitten!

She asked me my name and where I was from, then introduced herself. I somehow managed to blurt out my name but any further responses from me were at best garbled. She welcomed me to PSU and then said the magical words, “hope to see you around!”

Over the next couple of years I would see her at various places on campus besides her duties as a cheerleader. I also caught glimpses of her at some of the night spots around Pittsburg (in those days there was a lively night club culture, as Kansas had an 18-year-old 3.2 percent beer drinking age law).

I can still remember two conflicting emotions from that time. I really was interested in this beautiful young cheerleader but I was far too reticent to ever approach her again. The experience was painful to remember even now.

In the early 2000s, my long time friend Doug Campbell and I regularly returned to PSU to watch both his boys play basketball. I was surprised to see several people from back in my college days at the arena. Bill Samuels was once the quarterback on one of the early 60s era National Championship teams at PSU. He had also been the quarterback coach on our team. He, along with former Nevada high school coach John Peterson, and PSU Head Football Coach, Chuck Broyles, were also at many games.

One evening I was looking at old pictures in the hallway when a very handsome woman approached me. She called me by name, and said, “I thought that was you.” Suddenly it dawned on me that this was that same cheerleader from all those years ago.

Unlike my adolescent days I discovered I was no longer at a loss for words. We soon had informed each other of where we now lived and the basic histories of our lives since those past times.

Then she dropped the bombshell, “I always knew you really liked me and I wondered why you never asked me for a date?” I paused for a moment before admitting to her that while that was always what I had so wanted to do I had been too shy and fearful of rejection to ask.

She smiled coyly and said, “I guess we will never know what my answer would have been!” That was the perfect response. Life never gives us do overs. Should have, could have, would have, like my cheerleader, are questions only to remember, never to be fulfilled.